Shenanigan

Jul 18

Professional One-liners

Hi Sorry, but this is not completely an original post. I was surfing the net when I came across some of these one-liners. I added a few of my own. Will definitely post something completely original by the weekend. Here goes - My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned…couldn’t concentrate. After that I worked in a blanket factory, but it folded. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe. I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income. After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it. I finally found work in the glue factory but it didn’t stick. When I tried to enrol at the army, they shot down my application. Next, I joined the school for blind, but there was no future in sight. I thought my talents would glow at the electronics industry, but they just blew me away. In desperation, I became a toilet-cleaner, but ended up pissing away all my money. Finally I just retired and found I was perfect. :) Hope you enjoyed it !

Jeetu

Me: Bata, akal badi ki bhains ?
Jeetu: Pehle date of birth toh bata
Me: Why are you staring at the frozen orange juice?
Jeetu: Because it said "concentrate."

Jul 17

Must Read Chat Convo

For your benefit , me = Prayush K
bhaya: Hello
u thr?
Arpit spain mein hai kya abhi bhi?
me: haan
bhaya: ok
uska visa clear ho paaya tha kya
he went on 13 th there
embassy i mean
me: nahi illegally spain me hai wo
bhaya: wat?
seious?
serious?
me: haan be
bhaya: cant say whether u joke or say something seriously
me: lekin sabko bolna m at
bhaya: illegal
why will i
me: hmmm
bhaya: But it must have bin tough for him
atleast he cant travel much
me: haan
abe
spain ke andar hi kaafi hai travel karna\
bhaya: due to checking
almost everywhere
no but is there checking a lot?
there?
but how does one goes thru the checks at the airport?
at delhi/ whatever place
while coming in...
me: brb
bhaya: actually aakash ne us din remind karwa diya tha ki arpit ka sab kuch clear ho paaya ki nahin
me: haan
wo pata nahi
kuchh to conties lagaye thhe usne
bhaya: Ok
haan otherwise its too tough
me: haan
bhaya: even i was stuck at delhi despite of having all the things with me
me: tabhi wo hardly abhi kisike contact me hai
oh
kyo?
bhaya: actaully aeroflot waale mujhse document maangne lage
yahan ka
ticket pe kahin bhi nahin likha tha
aisa
me: ohhh
bhaya: maine kaha its a duty of the embassy not the carrier to check this
me: usne to visa hi ajeeb se dhang se banwaya hai
bhaya: OH false Visa
gdb
thats a lot
maine kaha laptop par soft copy hai
chalegi

Bar Joke

Dude1: A guy walks into a bar
Dude2: And ?
Dude3: He got hurt

Don’t Quit Poem

This is the Don’t Quit Poem I was reminded of while thinking of something completely different today . For your benefit, here’s the poem. It’s one of the most beautiful, uplifting things I have read When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill, When the funds are low and the debts are high, And you want to smile, but you have to sigh, When care is pressing you down a bit, Rest! if you must; but don’t you quit. Life is queer with its twists and turns, As everyone of us sometimes learns, And many a failure turns about When he might have won had he stuck it out; Don’t give up, though the pace seems slow; You might succeed with another blow. Often the goal is nearer than It seems to a faint and faltering man, Often the struggler has given up When he might have captured the victor’s cup. And he learned too late, when the night slipped down, How close he was to the golden crown. Success is failure turned inside out; The silver tint of the clouds of doubt; And you never can tell how close you are, It may be near when it seems afar; So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit; It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit. Anonymous It’s great how such poems manage to touch the hearts of so many people, make them cry, make them think, give them the courage to go on ( it certainly gave me that faith ) , faith that things will turn out just fine. Thanks a ton to whoever wrote it. Thanks. You made a difference in my life.

Jul 16

Steve Jobs giving one of the finest speeches ever ! Stay Hungry Stay Foolish !

Pet Mavericks !

Pets have strangely fascinated humans from the advent of civilisation. And pets that do what you ask them to , are a premium. There’s nothing wrong with having a pet that you love. You’re allowed to love species apart from humans. But the problem begins to appear when the boundary between our species and others begin to fade. They start loving their pets in a way that they haven’t even loved humankind. And even lower on the ladder of patheticism ( or whatever the correct word is ) is when they think the animal is appreciating it and loving back with equal intensity. Bollocks !! Here’s the truth dude, the pet hates you . You take it away from its natural habitat , do random human shit to it, and then expect it to be happy ?? How ?? Even humans , who created the environment, aren’t happy in it. How can other species be ?? Some incidents to prove these “pet-lovers” are not mavericks but idiots are given below. In some city of Karnataka , they married off 2 frogs ( I think it was a religious custom , but then religion is also man-made ) . How stupid can u get ?? And that too FROGS ?? How the hell do you think that the frog will understand it has to remain committed to one partner else face the consequences of alimony and divorce ? And what if one of them is unfaithful and copulates with other frogs ? You punish it ?? By doing what ? Taking its life savings of leaves and flowers ? By improsining it in another isolated well ?? Stupid !! Another incident is dance classes for dogs in Japan . You gotta be kidding me !! And not only that these dogs come to the dance class not on foot , but on , wait-for-it, prams !!!!!!! WHAT ???? Prams ??? Kids in this world don’t get that benefit , and some dog somewhere is roaming in a pram all dressed up with pampers and all. Dance classes aren’t too kind on the dog either. The already confused dog , who has a busy day chasing his tail btw, now has to learn to dance ??? Why you doing this to your pets ???? Wasn’t teaching it to beg and roll-over enough insult on the dog ? Now you want it to wear a pretty pink frock and frolick around the place. Other incidents include restaurants catering to dogs. Not serving dogs , but catering to them. With all the napkins , the table, chairs , and yea … dog food obviously. Oh and don’t forget the menu that comes with it so that the dog can choose which variety of dog food it wants to eat for the day , till it realises it’s incapable of reading. PETA Should seriously do something about these practices. I think the dog/frog/any other animal prefer to die than to suffer such “chutiyapa” in its lifetime. PETA concentrate your energies here rather than on poor peace loving , meat eating humans like me !!!